I’m going to preface this by saying that I am a nerd. A big one. Like, Steve Urkle once looked at me and yelled, “Nerd!” I’m the worst kind of nerd too – I’m a grammar nerd. That’s why grammar mistakes in the comments section make me weep for our future.
Okay, wait, come back, it’s going to be okay, I promise. Yes, I love grammar, but I recognize that few people are perfect at it – I’m certainly not.
Anywhere there is written word, there are going to be mistakes, I get that. I also get that slang and dialect are things too (I even use them, shhh.) So, I’m not ever going to be that guy in the comments section that corrects people’s grammar. That’s not cool, no one likes that guy. Instead, I am going to take the opportunity to get all of my grammar frustrations here, aimed at no one in particular.
Sit down, get comfortable, and put your nerd hats on – it’s time to learn.
Here Are 10 Grammar Mistakes You’ll Find In Any Comments Section
Loose vs. Lose
You cannot loose your mind. You can open your mind, you can lose your mind, you cannot loose your mind – unless, of course, you made some room in there by forgetting the difference between loose and lose, and now your brain is a bit baggy maybe.
This one, more than any other grammatical error, makes my eye twitch. Stop playing all fast and loose with the word lose, please, I beg of you. You might make me loose my cool.
Everyone thinks they know the difference, but they fucking don’t, Charles, they fucking don’t. Let me make this easier to understand: They’re going over there to smack their friends repeatedly until those friends understand how these words work.
I Could Care Less
Really? So then you care an indeterminate amount.
You care maybe a little bit, or you care more than you care about anything on earth, or you care somewhere in between. Very specific, thank-you, that really illuminates your feelings on this subject. “I could care less” is the equivalent of the discount store I once saw, named “Everything For a Dollar or More.”
Could you maybe narrow that down just a tad? Oh, you meant you don’t care at all! Then say, “I couldn’t care less”.
This is like the dreaded T-word triad, except that it often includes the added bonus of being used in the sentence, “Your stupid.”
This might be the one instance in which I break my not correcting people’s grammar rule – if you’re going to call someone stupid, you better make sure your sentence is Oxford-worthy. (Did you see how I used those words in that sentence? Take note, “stupid”-callers.)
This is the Bennifer of words. Irrespective is a word. Regardless is a word. Irrespective means, “regardless of”. Irregardless, I assume, is their cutesy celebrity couple name.
This word is literally used incorrectly too often, and it’s figuratively driving me crazy. Your head is literally going to explode, huh. Thanks for the warning, I’ll grab my slicker.
Piece of Mind
You don’t want piece of mind (unless your friend from earlier gives you some of the loose pieces of theirs.) Peace of mind sounds wonderful, though.
No. Just no. My mom, the former middle school English teacher, used to say, “It’s not abunch, it’s not apair, it’s not alot.” She’s a lot nicer than I am. I say, just stop doing it, you assholes.
“I’d rather have a foot massage then an enema.” I mean, you do you, sounds like a full afternoon, but personally I’d rather have just the massage.
Definitely vs. Defiantly
If you say, “I want to go swimming this summer, defiantly,” I’m definitely going to assume you will be hopping a fence into a restricted quarry and getting your swim on. When someone uses “defiantly going to do something” as a stand-in for “definitely”, it’s all I can do not to ask them who told them they couldn’t. (Insert Michael Scott biting lip Office gif.)
Thank-you for indulging my nerd grammar mistakes rant. I would rather vent here then their so that when I see people use these errors in there comments (and they defiantly will alot) it will give me piece of mind knowing that I could care less.