Why Are Moms So Tired? Because We Have To Remember Literally Everything

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I joke all the time about being the hot mess mom. I can laugh at myself like the rest of the hot mess moms. I own it. Most of the time. But, the honest truth is that sometimes, I feel a lot of guilt about it when I can’t remember all the things that are required of me to remember.

I’m the one who is frantically calling a friend and asking them to help me out because I forgot what time soccer practice was, or the one who is all the way across town when school gets out on one of those random short days, that I forgot.

You’d think with the invention of smart phones, I’d be a little better at remembering. You’d think those little reminders would remind me. But, the truth is, sometimes, my brain is so full of to-do lists and things I have to remember, that sometimes I forget to even set the reminder. And, sometimes, I forget to take my phone off silent all day long, so I don’t even see those reminders until it’s too late.

Recently, I reminded my daughter that her piano lesson started in 30 minutes. We live next door to her teacher. So, it really shouldn’t be that hard. And, that’s what moms do. We remind everyone about everything.  Yet, I got busy fixing dinner, and her lesson came and went. We totally forgot, and I couldn’t help but get upset.

I yelled out to no one in particular, but to a room full of people, “I’m so sick of being the one that has to remember all the things!” Because I am sick of it. And, I’m sick at failing over and over to get my crap together.

My husband suggested that maybe we should quit piano if no one could remember it.

Wait. What? That’s the solution? Just quit?

Obviously, that didn’t go over too well in that moment, but like all married couples that don’t quite get what the other one has to deal with, we worked it out.

But, I couldn’t help but felt a little resentful in that moment. Why would no one help me remember? Why couldn’t my daughter remember? Why couldn’t my husband offer something more useful as a suggestion when I forgot?

All the remembering is making me tired. I’m tired of my kids waltzing through life not having to remember even what day of the week it is. I’m tired of being the one to remind them that if they don’t actually wash their clothes, they may not have any to wear the next day. I’m tired of the non-stop dialogue in my head with no one but myself and the non-stop effort it takes to just remember what day of the week it is some days.

There is no real solution here though. I can’t offer up advice to you to help you remember all the things, because obviously, I’m not doing that great of a job at it myself. But, what I can offer up is solidarity, and I can tell you that being the one that has to remember all the things is an important job, even if you sometimes feel like a walking, breathing calendar that is slightly broken because it often gets the date wrong.

So, if you’re reading this right now, chances are, you’re also going through a to-remember list. Because as I’m writing it, I remembered that today is the day I’m supposed to wash MY jeans so I have something to wear.

It also happens to be the day that I have to remember that it’s “walk to school day” at the elementary school, and the day I need to remind my kids that their oldest sister is staying late after school so they don’t have to wait for her.

It’s where I have to remember where I put that piece of paper that the county inspector needs to approve our home improvement project, and the day that I have to remember that I have an appointment at 2pm at the bank to settle some financial stuff.

It’s the day that I have to remember to make a plan for dinner, so the kids can get to piano on their make-up lesson, and also remember to make it home  in time to pick up kids from school.

I also have to remember to respond to work emails, and meet deadlines.

And, that’s just one day.

Today, I’m managing to remember all that I’m supposed to do (so far). And, that’s worth a pat on the back to myself. But, that list? Those are just the things I have to remember today. Somewhere in the back of my brain, I’m also trying to remember all the things that are coming up the rest of the week, month, and even next year.

I don’t blame anyone, really, I just never knew how tired I could feel from just trying to remember.

But, for now, I’m going to focus on today and be happy that I’m not forgetting anything yet. Because, frankly, I’m probably the only one that’s going through that mental list trying not to forget it all.

This post originally appeared on Perfection Pending

Meredith Ethington is a writer and a mom to three, trying to help her kids understand sarcasm and her need for personal space. Meredith’s debut parenting book, Mom Life: Perfection Pending, provides an uplifting yet realistic look at all that is expected of moms in the 21st century. She proudly writes for many of her favorite parenting sites, including Scary Mommy, Babble, Momtastic, and on her own blog. Follow her on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter where she loves to laugh at herself and admit that while parenting is the best thing ever, it’s also the hardest job on earth.
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