I am officially 9 months away from 35. I have been happily and unhappily married for 11 years. I have three beautiful, healthy, often ill-behaved kids. I have a super cool dog. I have really great friends. What a journey. With the ringing in of the new year, and all of the resolutions and positive vibes being splashed all over Facebook and twitter it made me realize… I finally know who I am. Whew…. I thought I would never get here. With that being said, I wanted to start the new year with a recap of how I got here.
I have known my husband for almost 20 years. He can be my worst enemy at times, and then my fiercest supporter. He is my best friend, and the one person who can annoy me the most on the planet. He is a keeper. He is a pain in the ass. He is not going to change. I have tried. I have failed. I was stupid for attempting. He is perfect just the way he is. Marriage is the hardest thing I have ever been involved in, parenting being the closest runner-up in the Universe. I love him more than he will ever know. Moving on…..
So here’s to the hardest job I have ever had, parenting. I was an awful pregnant person. I was put on bed-rest with all three of my blessings. I was medicated, hospitalized, and a complete nervous wreck each time. Having these three kids has defined me as a person and made me realize what is most important. I made a conscious decision to have 2 out of 3 of my kids. Third baby was a special surprise that remarkably changed my life. It is a struggle every day. Some days I am on fire and just killing it. Others, I am afraid the bagger at Publix will call DCF due to a flip-flop beating in aisle 7. I am who I am because of my experiences as a wife and parent.
All of my children are very different. They have huge hearts, and fiery tempers. My oldest is a LEGO, Minecraft obsessed 8 year-old. My daughter wants to be 25 and dresses like she is in a Hollywood film everyday. My youngest is super sweet and has special needs. My kids have made me realize what things in life are really important.
My youngest was my easiest labor. He basically fell out. At about 6 months old I realized he wasn’t crawling. At a year he wasn’t walking. At 14 months my MIL finally said out loud, “I think you need to take him to the doctor.” I knew there was something wrong, but didn’t want to acknowledge it. Once you say it out loud it has the tendency to become real.
I knew he was behind the curve compared to my other kids, but he was also the baby. I finally went into my pediatrician and had a conversation about my fears. It was the hardest conversation I had ever had. My doctor examined my son and then said a few words that I will never forget. “Worst case scenario is Cerebral Palsy, best case it’s nothing.” I don’t really remember the rest of the conversation. I pretty much checked out and starred into space for the next 10 minutes. After that we spent the next month at various orthopedic, neurologist, and other specialist until we finally found out on the day after Thanksgiving that he did in fact have brain damage. For someone who has a compulsive need to fix everything, this was a hard truth. I had a meltdown for about a month.
It has been three years since his diagnosis. He is the picture of heath. He has a bit of a limp on his left side. Some issues with his leg and arm, but overall a rambunctious crazy four-year old. His battles seem to be behavior and temperament problems, as well as inability to hold his urine. I hit the lottery in terms of having a kid with CP. With that being said, my heart breaks for everyone who has a child with disabilities and special needs. It’s easy to say you understand, it’s another thing to take the journey. I wouldn’t change it. Like I said before, it has helped shape me.
Why am I writing about this? Well, it’s 2015 and I wanted to share a bit about me as we venture into this new year together. All of this has shaped me, it’s where I came from. I am an outspoken person. I sometimes don’t make it out of my pajamas. I cry at animal shelter commercials. I laugh at inappropriate things. I like to exercise, then eat chocolate. I DIY. I spank. I buy super cute, yet trampy outfits and shoes for my daughter. I put sprite in my wine. I wouldn’t know class if it sat on my head. My uniform is a pair of yoga pants and a tank top. I will do anything for my family and friends. If you don’t think you have figured out who you are yet, I am here to tell you it’s OK. You will be just fine. You are super awesome. Everyday will be a battle. Every day will almost always contain a win and a loss. You will survive. Remember to laugh everyday. I m positive that laughing has helped me maintain my sanity. My goal this year is to make you laugh to help keep your sanity. Here’s to staying focused on what matters in 2015! Leave me a comment on what you want to see happen in 2015. I would love to know 🙂