It hit me like a ton of bricks the other day. I received a “backhanded” compliment that I had heard many times before, but that day it really pissed me off. Normally I am able to “Shake it off” like Taylor has told me to do time and time again, but I just couldn’t. I wanted to reach across the table and throat punch the person who had just given me what he thought was a sweet compliment. Below I have listed the top 5 backhanded remarks I have received as a Mom.
You look so nice when you get dressed: This one always gets me. I want to say, “Oh thank you. I know I looked like complete crap the other day when I dropped off the kids. It was a bit of a rough morning, attempting to get three blessings dressed and ready for school, while cleaning up dog pee, emptying the dishwasher, and getting dinner in the crock pot. I just can’t believe that I forgot to put on my make-up and pantyhose before I left the house. Oh, Heavens me!”
Don’t worry, the Baby weight will eventually come off, you’ll see: I remember being in the middle of a conversation with someone at work when they said this. It was like a knife through the heart. I had actually lost all the baby weight, but gravity, that spiteful Bitch had shifted things on me. My pants didn’t fit the same, I was totally uncomfortable, and these words of “encouragement” sent me straight to the freezer section for a pint of Ben and Jerry’s!
I get it. Why clean your house when you have kids: I do my best to keep up with the mess. I really, really, really, do. I use to be so freaking tidy. But living with a bunch of organizationally challenged toddlers has caused my house to be in a constant sate of disrepair. I had someone stop by last week to do some work on my house. When he said this to me, I wanted to nicely let him know that I did in fact clean up before they came over, but I had recently taken some “I don’t give a shit” pills and this was as far as I had gotten.
Relax, I’m sure it’s just a stage: Please don’t say this to a Mom who is in the middle of a massive grocery store melt down with their 3 yr. old. It is not helpful. I have three kids, that have been going through “stages” for about 9 years now. Smile at me with that look like “I get it, I have kids too and sometimes I want to shove them in a closet.” We all go through it. I have been guilty of saying it myself, but I now declare it to be UN-helpful and derogatory.
You look good for having kids: Here we have it, the piece de resistance. THIS IS NOT A COMPLIMENT!!!! If I look good, just tell me that. Why is my looking good relational to how many humans I’ve pushed through my lady parts. One thing has nothing to do with the other. Stop thinking that you gave me such a great compliment, you didn’t. What I hear when you pay me this compliment is “Wow, if you hadn’t had those awful children, you would be smoking hot!”
So let’s all be kind to one another and keep our comments to ourselves if we have nothing nice to say. If you feel as though you need to strain to be polite or find the right words….STOP. Say nothing and smile. A smile works wonders.