Today My Oldest Was A Toddler Again


As I was walking through the house doing my daily toy, clothing, and food wrapper pick up I saw my oldest son’s blanket. Not a comforter, but his baby blanket. He’s twelve, but he still sleeps with his Elmo blanket that he got when he was an infant.

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That blanket has been through a lot. I’m not sure why it hit me so hard today when I saw the blanket, because I see it every day, but today it hit me in the gut. I saw his blanket sitting there next to his Zelda sheets, which are fitted to his queen mattress. Yes, his queen mattress, because he has hit puberty and is growing like a weed.

His face seems to change almost daily. I catch glimpses of his father sometimes and I giggle. My first-born is growing up in front of my eyes and there are days when he is so cranky and puberty-ridden that I can’t stand it.

His big emotions take over his middle school body and I just want to reverse time. I want to swaddle him up in his Elmo blanket and go back to when he would crawl up in my lap.

Today was one of those days.


Another school year has come to an end and the Elmo blanket is one year closer to extinction. I am sure at some point he will stop sleeping with that blanket, but I hope it isn’t any time soon. I love that he still wears that damn thing like a scarf.

Most days are so crazy busy that I usually walk straight past the Elmo blanket and never give it a second thought.

Today, I stopped.

Today, I thought about how many times we used to watch Elmo’s World.

I thought about how he would drag that blanket behind him like Linus from the Peanuts gang.

Today I thought about how cute he looked in overalls when he was two.

Today I sat and lived in the year 2007.

Today I cried while holding his Elmo blanket.

With three kids, I live a very go, go, go, lifestyle. I rarely sit. I am constantly doing something for someone. I do my best to be in the moment, but moments go so fast now.

Today I had an amazing moment, and I hope to always remember it. Today, I stopped and allowed my mind to travel to a memory I love.

Today my oldest was a toddler again.

Give yourself permission to enjoy those moments when they happen. Most days I walk straight past the Elmo blanket and pick up the Capri Sun straw wrappers on the floor, but not today.

Today I sat and laughed. Today I sat and cried. Today I had a moment, and it was amazing.


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