Life is never simple, and I know I am not alone, but sometimes is can feel that way, expecially in my house. I love love love my family, but I don’t always like them very much. As I have said before, I am visually impaired (legally blind in face), but this is not my only struggle physically. I have broken my back, blown a disk (that required two surgeries), I have broken both ankles, misaligned hips and constant knee pain. Along with the pain I struggle with depression and anxiety, and because pain and depression go hand-in-hand, it becomes a vicious cycle.
Bless my husband, because he works very hard, but most days he is of no help to me. Right now his new obsession is going to the fire essentials class over the winter, because he is a volunteer firefighter. I applaud him for this, but he gets OCD about things, and then it becomes his only focus. Then I am left to clean the house, do the laundry, tend to the kids, feed the animals and all the other mom duties alone. Sometimes it feels like I am a single mom. My kids drive me nuts because they don’t seem to understand how difficult things can be for me. They have never known me to be any other way.
I work hard, but sometimes, almost daily, really, it is never enough. I don’t care that my house is a little messy or that not all the laundry is done, but trying to keep up with the minimum has been so difficult lately. I am always tired because pain is so exhausting. I struggle to find my drive. I feel like I am letting my kids down, and I have lost the structure we used to have in our home.
I find some relief through friends and my church, but lately the support has been a bit lacking. My mother is no help, although I love her dearly, but she is such a “glass half empty” kind of person, that she points out all the drama and the bad, and just drags me down even more. I know that there is light at the end of the tunnel, but with these damg bad eyes of mine, it sure is hard to see.
“Broken minds can be healed. Just the way that broken bones and broken hearts are Healed.”
Jefferey R. Holland