This weekend I had many thoughts running through my mind. If you are a parent I can pretty much guarantee that you have also had these very same thoughts. I did not share my thoughts with my children, although if we are being honest, I wanted to. Below are a few of the thoughts that entered my brain.
Why are you still talking?
Are you seriously this annoying?
Do you really think the noodles belong in your hair?
Why do you smell so bad?
What is that all over your face?
When is the last time you brushed your teeth?
Do I have to do everything for you?
Do you train to be this loud and obnoxious?
Why do you hate me?
Will you ever finish all of your food?
Am I positive these kids are mine?
Would they notice if I left?
Why do they hate each other so much?
While getting the kids ready for bed last night I was thinking about the Adam Mansbach book, “Go the F to sleep. If you haven’t read it, I urge you to do so. It is what ever parent deals with almost every night. Each night my kids act as if they have never heard of bed time before. They cock their head to the side and give me that confused look, as if I am speaking in Chinese. So after this weekend I employ Adam Mansbach to write a few more books. Below are some topics I would like him to explore.
Shut the F up kid (Great gift for any child in your life that refuses to shut up. I’m not sure how my kids are alive, they never stop to take a breath .)
Do your F-ing homework (Perfect for the kid who needs to be buckled into the chair at the dining room table or else they will disappear like Houdini.)
Clean your F-ing room (For the child with no organizational skills and more match-box cars on the floor then Toys R Us has in their inventory.)
Hug your F-ing siblings (For the siblings that truly can’t stand each other but at some point need to figure out that they only get one family, so sorry your totally screwed.)
Be F-ing Nice ( For that boy or girl that always has something awful to say. Book included Tabasco Sauce for their filthy mouth.)
Take an F-ing Shower (Sweet and delicate way to tell your children that only farm animals should smell that way.)
Perhaps the “F” series as I will be calling it, will dramatically change my life. It may answer all of my prayers, or at least it will give me a laugh before I try to stick my head in the oven after I attempt to put my kids to bed for the 900th time that night.