The Boy Who Smiles (Motherhood)

I thought today’s topic would be very fitting seeing that it’s my oldest son Khaleb’s 13th birthday today. So let’s talk about motherhood. I wrote my son a public letter (you can read it on if you’d like) letting him know how much I loved him, reminding him of everything he’s gone though in life, and letting him know how awesome he is.

As I read the comments that said how great of a mother I was, I started to think to myself……thanks but does anyone else go through what I go through as a mother. I mean, what the hell is motherhood supposed to look like anyway? Is it kisses, cuddles, and storytime or is it yelling, omg I forgot about dinner, and well I learned that from my mother so this is how it has to be? Of course there’s books for new moms, TV shows, and mom social media groups but nothing really prepares you for this thing called motherhood.

I think we’ve become so wrapped up in what society says a motherhood should be that we forget to be ourselves and mother the only way WE know how. Khaleb has Moebius Syndrome and when he was younger and I was a single mother, his nurse would offer to keep him on a Saturday so that I could have alone time to be an adult. I could remember driving away and balling my eyes out because I thought that I was a bad mother for leaving. When I think about it now, I was actually being a good mother taking the time to rejuvenate and refuel so that I could continue to give him the best of me.

To me, motherhood is giving your children the real you. The you that loves them unconditionally, the you that feeds them pizza on a Wednesday night because welp I was too tired to cook, the you that needs some mommy time to be able to relax, the you that can tell them NO for something and not feel bad because in reality they won’t hear yes all of their lives, the you that cheers widely at their sports events, the you that they love whether you’re dolled up or in sweats and dad’s t-shirt, and the you that would give your last for them. So what is motherhood to you?

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