Sex Toy Might Be Perfect Solution For Babies And We’re Just Glad Someone Told Us

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As parents, we’re used to going to great lengths to comfort our babies, and desperate times call for desperate measures, am I right? Everyone has their own story of improvising an impromptu method of soothing their baby that works like a charm. 

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Remember on Friends when Ross discovered that the only way to get baby Emma to laugh was by belting out “Baby Got Back”, while shaking his ass? Even skeptical Rachel got into it, because it WORKED. And when you finally find something that works, you stick to it. Period. If ass-shaking is required to calm your baby, then ass-shaking it is. 

Well… here’s a whole new method of baby-soothing, and the good news is: some of you definitely have the “soother” already on hand- probably right in your bedside drawer!

In case you haven’t seen this clever new baby hack that has people BUZZING (literally), take a look:

Photo Credit: Melons & Cuties (Facebook)

Upon first glance at the picture, you take in the bright turquoise object & might think, “Oh, look, it’s shaped perfectly for the baby’s back! Wait, is that a- it looks like a- oh. OH.”

Yup. It’s a vibrator. You know, the sex toy that’s often advertised as a “neck massager” when it’s actually used to massage parts far south of the neck. 

The picture was posted on the Facebook page of Texas birth & wellness center Melons & Cuties, and its description answers your next logical question- “and WHY?!”

Our customer shares her remedy for chest congestion!! Use on baby’s back while sitting in a steamy bathroom….

Posted by Melons and Cuties on Tuesday, January 8, 2019

 

While a vibrator may seem an unlikely choice of baby equipment, note that the baby in the pic was experiencing chest congestion.

If you’ve ever had to sit in a steamy bathroom in the wee hours of the morning with a wailing, coughing infant, you know that you’ll likely try anything & everything on earth to help your baby. And we do mean ANYTHING.

But as the description points out:

Many hospitals and respiratory therapists use these in the treatment of respiratory issues on the BACK in hospital settings. It is common practice.

(Please note that in the caption under the picture, BACK is capitalized. Respiratory therapists use it on the patient’s BACK. Where you put it in your own time is your own business, people.) 

Ok, now. I’ll admit that if I went to the hospital for my asthma & my doctor whipped out a vibrator & suggested it as the answer to my breathing woes, well… I’d be asking for a second opinion (and maybe asking if the “equipment” was covered by my insurance- don’t judge). 

But vibration really does help to loosen congested mucus, and for little ones that can’t bring it up themselves, it actually makes a lot of sense!

How about those babies that can only be soothed to sleep in the car? Parenting an infant is all fun & games until it’s 2am & you’re blearily circling your block in your minivan so your baby will finally fall asleep.

Sleep deprivation is torture- if you had told me that using a vibrator under my baby’s crib mattress would lull her to sleep without my having to operate a motor vehicle while under the influence of NO SLEEP IN FOREVER- done. Bring on the sex toy. 

The post has already earned over 50K comments and 20K shares since it was published on January 8, with countless parents admitting that the vibrator hack has worked like a charm with their babies.

Of course, we can count on the comment section to bring humor to this unconventional approach, too:

Disclaimer: “May have opposite effect when used on adults.”

Not only funny, but now you’ll be chanting about “baby back ribs” for an hour…

Hah! Shopping the sex toy stores “for medicinal purposes”. Of course.

NO WORDS.

While the comments are humorous, the bottom line is there’s no judgement- only fun. There should be no shame in the baby-soothing game, folks. 

Melons & Cuties warned that angry/offensive comments would be deleted- they would not tolerate any mom-shaming. The comments above, (and many others) were celebrated, however, because they’re fun. The comment section was an ideal blend of laughing at the awkwardness while appreciating the innovative success of the method. 

And yes, it may seem weird to think of incorporating your sexy-time toys into your infant-care routine. It’s awkward and funny and a dash uncomfortable for some, sort of like parenthood itself.

But the reality is that as parents, we’re all struggling to survive. And if we find something that actually works -a technique that can possibly save a fellow parent some stress- then it’s important that we share the love. 

1 COMMENT

  1. Your friends references need some work lol. The baby got back song was used to get Emma to laugh not to stop crying and it was Ross who discovered it first not Rachel. Then Rachel who reluctantly got on board. I guess nice try though lol.

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