I don’t want flowers.

Please don’t buy me a gift.

What do I want this year, several hours of quiet bliss.

 

Don’t knock on my door.

Don’t utter my name.

If a problem arises, call Daddy, he’s game.

 

I want to shower in silence.

I want to take a long nap.

I don’t want to see your fingers under the door while taking a crap.

 

Don’t tell me you’re hungry.

Don’t whimper or whine.

It’s Mother’s day rug rats, pass the wine while I dine.

 

The kitchen is closed.

No cooking today.

But I do want to binge watch episodes of Grey’s.

 

No cleaning or laundry.

No dishes will I do.

You crayon gobblers’ better think twice before throwing a coup.

 

I want to relax and read a book.

Eat a meal without sharing.

I’m sorry if this seems a bit uncaring.

 

Daddy, this goes for you too.

So tonight at bedtime…

I’ll take a pass on the screw.

 

I want to fall asleep untouched.

Please, no orifice invasion.

No groping or humping, I’m immune to persuasion.

 

Mommy needs a break.

But please don’t be sad.

The sperm donor’s here, you call him Dad.