It’s Not A Crisis, It’s A Quest

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I am 35 years old. I have three children. I love my husband, I work full time, I take care of most of my wifely duties each day. Some days are much harder than others (wink). Some days are wonderful. I have been working on establishing a writing career for a year. It has been challenging to say the least. With my full-time job requiring constant attention, the kids, the house, the laundry, the dishes, dinner, my writing has not gotten the attention it needs to become a paying career. I love to write. I really love to write.

The past year of my life has been very interesting. I started a blog. I have performed stand up comedy. I have been on a talk radio show. I have been featured on some big online publications. I have seen success, just not economic success. I want to one day be able to walk away from my job and launch a career that will help pay the bills, and truly feed my soul.

My marriage has struggled this year. My husband is worried that I am searching for a new life. He is concerned that I am unhappy and I will leave. He is worried I will find a new man, and ditch him with the kids. My husband is scared. He is frustrated. He is angry. He is vulnerable. He told me he is worried that I am having a mid-life crisis. That makes me sad.

I don’t want to go anywhere. I love my husband. He is my best friend. I would die for him and my children. I wouldn’t trade them in for a new sports car version of a man for any amount of money or fame. He is however right, I am searching. I am reinventing myself. I am changing. I am growing. I am in the middle of a Mid-life quest for identity. My identity wasn’t lost or stolen. My identity was simply hiding, waiting for the right time to show itself.

I want to obtain my dreams. I want to become the best version of me. I want to be happy in both my professional and personal life. I want to share my voice, my stories, my humor, my tale. I want him to understand that this is not about him, it’s about me. This is about my identity, my story.

I have spent the past 12 years of my life devoted to him and the kids. I will continue to be the best wife and mother that I can be. I forget to make dinner some nights. I forget to switch the laundry (every damn time). I forget to pack lunches, but I get up and do it over and over because I love them.

My love for my family and my dream to become a writer are separate. My dreams didn’t end when I married. They didn’t end when I had kids. They are inside of my heart, impatiently waiting to be realized. My quest to find my identify will be a benefit to everyone in the family. I am simply trying to be the best me that I have always wanted to be. This is not a mid-life crisis. It is a quest. It’s not about him, it’s about me.

Originally posted on Suburban Misfit Moms.

10 COMMENTS

  1. Great blog….
    Sounds as if you need permission to be you….and part of YOU has nothing to do with your husband, kids or your dogs.
    Mothers are the center of every household…how you are is how they will be; you’re in a great mood…so the house is calm but when your needs are not getting met, and you start to get cranky, everyone around you will be off kilter…start setting boundaries so you have more time for yourself to explore YOU…
    The Financial Whisperer

    • Hi Pegi,
      Thank you for your comment and reading my blog. I am trying so hard to figure it all out. I hope you hang around and keep reading. I am going to keep writing and hopefully find a publisher for my book…. one of these days 🙂
      Meredith

  2. Meredith,

    I envy you and the fact that you know what you want to do! I feel as if I am constantly searching for that “thing” that I am supposed to be doing but haven’t figured out what that might be. Thank you for your hilarious words because they sometimes sound like thoughts in my own head!

    • Hi Katie,
      I have spent the past 7 years searching. You are not alone. I really believe that women are on a quest to find that “thing.” I figured out that writing was my “thing.” However it took me a long time, and I am by no means there. Keep searching. You will figure it out, as long as you keep looking 😉 Promise. Thank you for reading.
      Meredith

    • Susan,
      I will keep on with my quest, and I hope you do too! This community has been a life saver for me and I am so glad you are here! We need support and laughter to make it through the day 🙂 MOMosa on my friend!
      Meredith

    • Micxheline,
      I think we all come to this place at some point in our lives. I think writing about it and talking about it helped me create a plan of attack. It is important that we find ourselves.
      Thanks, Meredith

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