I’m a Liar

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1997

Becoming a parent has taught me a lot of things. It has taught me when and why it is necessary to lie to maintain some sanity. Do you lie??? Take a look at this WEEK’S VIDEO and tell me your go-to parenting lie.

Little did I know that when I became a parent I would pick up some really serious skills and one of those skills that I’ve picked up is the fact that I am an unbelievably fantastic LIAR. I can lie at the drop of a hat now, and I’m pretty good at it. So when my kids come home and they show me their artwork and they’re like, “Oh my gosh mom, did you see this? Is this not the best thing ever?” It’s like yes, let me take a look at that… Oh my goodness this is a bear! Yes this is obviously a bear. It’s wonderful! This belongs in the Metropolitan Museum of Art! When in fact, that bear looks like a dehydrated, Ecoli ridden, coyote. But it doesn’t matter, you lie. You tell them that the artwork is great, it’s just something you do as a parent.

When I’m sitting down WATCHING TV and they go to grab my drink, it’s like “No! No no don’t drink that! That’s mommy juice! Mommy juice, you can’t drink that’s not for kids! it wasn’t alcohol, it was a San Pellegrino, but I really liked it. I don’t want them back-washing in my drink. I don’t want that booger, snot and mucus all over the rim of my drink. No, no, okay!

When I go to get a snack out of the cabinet, I just tell them that they’re allergic to whatever I’m eating. It’s like, “Oh, you can’t eat this, you’re gonna get a rash! I’m so sorry! I wish I could share with you.” I don’t want to share with them. They’re not allergic to that! It was a blatant lie! Lied straight to their face.

I did that because you know, I have to maintain some sanity. One way I do that is by lying to my children. Judge me, I don’t care. I am a really good liar okay. I do get ticked when they lie to me which is tough, so I have to work on that. But you know, I mean sometimes you have to lie.

I didn’t want to go to the water park with my kids, I had to tell them there was an epidemic stomach flu that broke out and F7 diarrhea happened at the local water park. I don’t want to go okay, “Oh yeah, you guys didn’t see it, it was on the news. There was a huge, huge diarrhea outbreak at the water park. We can’t go for like a year.”

We lie sometimes because we’re tired. We lie sometimes because we hope that they’ll forget. They never forget. They never forget! We say something once and they never forget! Can they find their shoes or their underwear when they get ready? No, never! But they never forget when you tell them you know oh we’ll go next time no just tell them if there was a diarrhea outbreak that’s gonna nip it in the butt right there, for now at least.

It’s tough! IT”S EXHAUSTING! I got a bunch of kids, that’s life! So, I’ve adapted and evolved and my parenting style has turned more into you know, I’m a liar! But I feel strong in that that my kids are, you know, I’m building character! Yup! That’s what we’re doing here and it just gives me some sanity. So as a parenting style, I’m going with lie-bagger! It’s something that I do on a daily basis with my kids. So I don’t know, if you’re with me or not. I just kind of feel like, it’s too late. I can’t turn back now. I think if I told them the truth about something they’d never believe me.

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