I Used To Be Cool, But I Don’t Miss It

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I used to be cool. I used to be able to go out any night of the week, get up and go to school or work and do it all over again the next night if I wanted to. I used to be able to come and go as I pleased, with nobody but myself to answer to. Life was pretty good back then.

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Then I met my future husband.

We were immediately on the same wave length. We had the same hopes, dreams, and goals for the future. We had adventures together and still maintained our individuality outside of our relationship, with our own sets of friends and hobbies. Although I was in a serious relationship and eventually marriage, my free time was still there and I enjoyed that very much. Life was pretty good back then.

Then we had a baby.

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I have to admit it took me longer to learn the ebbs and flows of the whole parenthood thing that I thought it would, but with some help from our family and time I got the hang of this mom thing. I was able to devote the majority of my time to my tiny family and still balance a social life outside of my home. Of course, sometimes that meant bringing the little man along or my husband and I taking turns having opportunities to do our own thing, but it was manageable. Life was pretty good back then.

Then we had another baby.

I’m not going to lie; the jump from one to two kids was yet again harder than I thought it’d be. But again, with help from loved ones and my husband and I working together we figured out how to tag team these two kids and run a household on top of it. Sure, free time became more and more limited, because it’s harder to find a babysitter for two kids than for one. Yet, we still managed to find openings for each other and for time alone.

And you know what? Life is pretty good now too. Sure, there are days I miss the independence that being young and unattached brings with it. I miss the ability to come and go as I please.

But now, now is so much better.

Now I have a man who has loved me through good times and bad times. I have two children that taught me the real meaning of the word love. I have a home that keeps my body and soul warm every day. I have friends that continue to mean the world to me even though I don’t get to see them as often.

This is a busy season of life. The days blend together so much so that sometimes I forget if it’s Friday or Monday. From diaper changes to grocery runs, I’m the conductor of this train. Tiny humans depend on me to bring them to doctor’s appointments and buy their favorite cookies. Sure, I feel stretched thin some days. Sure, I get sentimental when I think about the “good old days“. Sure, I wish I had more time for vacations and dinners out.

But, I know in my heart of hearts that these are the days I’ll look back on and smile. I’ll look back and be thankful that I was here to watch the baby take his first steps and my oldest get on the school bus for the first time. These are the days I’ll remember looking into the tired eyes of that man I love, and smiling as he wrestles with those two boys that love created. I’ll never get these days back.

While it’s much needed to go out sometimes or have time to myself without my family, I don’t regret saying “no” or “I can’t” from time to time when asked to do something. The fact is that sometimes I genuinely can’t for whatever reason, but other times I’d just rather be at home with these people I love more than anything. And that’s OK, because life is pretty good right now too.

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