Hey “BossBabe” – Here’s Why I Don’t Want To Join Your MLM

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If you are on any social media platform, attended any recent high school/family reunions, or even had the gaul to venture out for a quick Target run (total oxymoron, I know), you have had to deal with it: the dreaded direct sales (or MLM) pitch from friends, awkward acquaintances, and/or baby-wearing Target shoppers wondering if you would be “interested in a complimentary Mary Kay makeover.”How to Say Thank, But No Thanks To Your Latest MLM “Sister”

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We have ALL been there.

It’s hard to say no.

Do all those MLM private messages have you feeling shabby? Here's the perfect response to all your boss babe friends. #mlm #funny #filterfreeparents

But, I have written a response for you where you can just fill in the blanks for all those MLM requests you get.

Instead of avoiding your Facebook inbox like the plague (hey, if you never opened the message, you never received it… right? RIGHT?), just copy, paste, and fill in the blanks of this convenient static response:

Hey __________________,

It’s great to hear from you! How long has it been? __ years? __ years? Probably even longer than that, seeing as though you maybe said 3 words to me our entire high school career!

I am glad to hear you are doing well and have found both a product and business venture that has completely changed your life.

I’m just over here doing the stay-at-home mom thing (which I know you already know, since you made a quick comment about how cute my kids are and how big they are getting before launching into your sales pitch), which brings me to the reason I am sending you this pre-written letter I found on That’s Inappropriate: I cannot buy _______________ from you.

Trust me; I get it. Times are tough and it’s hard making ends meet, so you are turning to direct sales as a way to hopefully make some extra money to help support your family… but I have a family, too.

We are very blessed in that my husband has a wonderful full-time job with benefits, but I write on the side as well to help out, and I simply cannot buy wraps, pink drinks, costume jewelry, cheaply-made leggings, or eyelash extensions from everyone who messages me or sends me a Facebook party invite. (Side note: You may be able to “party in your PJs” with the “drink of your choice” on Facebook, but I would MUCH rather be forced to go to somebody’s house, make awkward small talk, and drink free wine during a sales presentation, because — well — free wine!)

I kid you not, _____________; I receive a minimum of TEN Facebook party invites/sales pitches each month.

Last I checked, the cost of a 30-day supply of Plexus Slim is $84.95.

It’s $94 for the It Works! Target Trio.

The Rodan & Fields Redefine Regimen sets you back $199 *insert scared cat face emoji*

Monat’s Renew Shampoo STARTS at $30.

Coming from a mom who drinks McDonalds coffee over Starbucks (a toss up in terms of both cost and taste), uses the Walmart-brand acne treatment system (I forgot to mention that I have the same skin I had in high school… jealous much?), and buys her gigantic pump shampoo from Costco, I simply cannot afford to buy from you.

I know your product is better than the rest… my other MLM friend just finished telling me the same thing about her company.

I know that you are trying to support your family… I am, too.

I want to support you. I love seeing women entrepreneurs (in fact, I am one myself).

But if I were to buy from literally every party I am invited to, I would spend every last cent I make (and then some). You see, the money I make goes toward preschool tuition, tithing, college funds, and other things that depend on my paycheck. However, if I had a disposable income, I can promise you that I would buy both the $45 meal replacement shakes AND the $29 bamboo cutting board.

I hope this business venture turns out well for you, dear ____________… I really do! But sadly, I cannot buy from you.

Take care! If you ever have a little Girl Scout, please have her call me, as I will gladly forfeit my entire paycheck to purchase her stock of Samoas.

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