This past weekend I was sitting with friends, relaxing and enjoying a mid-day buzz. We were chatting about  “Pet Peeves” our friends do that drive us crazy, and  in the middle of the conversation I had an Oprah ” Ah-ha” moment. I am that flawed friend. I hadn’t always been that way, but I am at the point in my life where I can only retain so much information, and complete so many tasks on a daily basis. My flawed friendship status was never intentional, but the fact remains….. I am a flawed friend.

 I had no idea how much I sucked until I took a look around my house and realized that I still have a ton of stuff that I  “borrowed” and never returned. I am always asking for favors, and most of the time I am late to anything I am invited to. I sat searching my brain for redeeming qualities and found I was as empty as my Sangria glass.  However, I do have a swimming pool and a liquor cabinet, So I have that going for me. At least my shallow friends will still visit, it is summer time.

The realization hit me like a ton of bricks. I was envisioning  being inducted into the Friendship Hall of Shame in my mind. I could see friends from the past, present, and future all giving speeches as to why I was the absolute worst friend ever.

Now that I have accepted my flawed friend status, I have decided to help others by writing about it. You too may also be a terrible friend, and not realize it.  So here are the top 5 reasons that I am a sucky friend. Check the list and see if you too will be inducted into the Friendship Hall of Shame.

1. Always Late: I am constantly late. I always blame my children for my tardiness, but most of the time it is my fault. I am a habitual offender of losing track of time. I will start a task and get distracted, start another task, and then realize I was supposed to be at Starbucks to meet someone 15 minutes ago. Sometimes I will set a reminder, only to forget what the reminder was for. Then I sit and ask my dog what I am late for. It’s an exhausting process.

2. Finders Keepers: I borrow things from friends all the time. I currently have a coffee grinder and Laptop that has been in my possession for about six months. I called my bestie to ask him if he needed the coffee grinder back and he laughed, “Oh Sweetie, I bought another one a few months ago.” I was so embarrassed. I had basically confiscated several household items from my friends and never took the time to shop for my own item, or return their item. What a Schmuck!

3. Forgetful: I try to write down, or schedule every aspect of my life. I can’t seem to remember important dates such as birthdays and anniversaries. I always miss my families and friend special days. I am not sure if it’s because I am not a big fans of holidays, or it’s simply because I have the emotional IQ of a rock. Either way,  I never send cards, and I always end up looking like a complete Asshat. Once again, never intentional, but shameful just the same.

4. Non-Consoler: I am the WORST at consoling my friends. Any time they have an issue that brings them to tears, I turn straight to an awkward untimely joke. I become very uncomfortable with emotions and crying. I begin to sweat and make jokes about bodily functions or male genitalia. I am not even sure that I know how to properly hug someone. I never know if I am supposed to go in first, or wait and see. It is a nightmare. 

5. Notorious Bad Movie Selector: I love to watch movies with friends. It seems that my movie choices aren’t as renowned as Siskel and Ebert review choices. I recently forced my friends into viewing the first two Sharknado movies. The summer of 2015 will be no different. I have full intentions of a viewing party for the third movie Sharknado 3; Oh Hell No, coming in July. I am really a bad friend if I am trying to share cinematic genius with them? The movies were brilliant!

So to all my friends, I apologize. Please know that I have deep feelings of like for you, and I would do anything for you. I would even give you the shirt off of my back, but most likely it was yours to begin with. Please accept me as I am, and I will do my best to uncomfortably sit with you in your time of need.