I have learned that there are certain things you don’t discuss with acquaintances. Especially, when you first meet the person. I sometimes have a hard time biting my tongue, particularly about politics, which is pretty high on the list of things not to discuss. It is an election year, and Donald Trump is STILL running for President. I have complied a list of questions to determine if the person you are speaking with is indeed a Trump supporter without actually outright asking them. You know, kinda how Donald answers questions on foreign policy.
Here are 5 questions that will determine if you are talking with a “Trumpeter”
1. Do they love guns? Most Trump supporters are big “Right to bear arms” kinda folk. You might want to ask something like, “How often do you dust your gun cabinet,” or “Been to the shooting range recently?” I firmly believe in the right to bear arms, but I don’t think a terrorist attack would be thwarted if an 80-year-old man was packing heat in a restaurant. What if a waitress dropped a glass, and Grandpa decided to take aim? It could get real messy up in Denny’s.
2. Do they have a problem with women? Trump has gotten himself into hot water with women over several comments and tweets throughout the campaign. You can ask your new friend something along the lines of “So, do you think women should have control over their bodies? You know, since they kind of own their organs?” Or perhaps, “Woman! Can’t live with them, can’t stone them in Times Square. Am I right?” If they totally agree with stoning women, you will need to continue down this rabbit hole of questioning.
3. Do they have an issue with immigrants? As we all know, Donald wants to build a wall to keep out those pesky immigrants. Perhaps ask your new friend, “Do you like walls? You know, like 30 foot tall walls that cost a trillion dollars? Perhaps diamond encrusted walls with neon lights?” Maybe you could broach the question more bluntly like, “How about Brown people? Like them, don’t like them? Whatcha thinking?” If they quickly remark that immigrants are the downfall of the United States, but are torn because they like tacos, keep questioning.
4. Are they grammatically correct? As we all know, Trump has the best words. He tells us every time he speaks, that he is the smartest person who went to the best schools. Text your new friend and get them to use the words, Your, You’re, Their, There in the correct context. This question can be a bit deceptive, because YOUR new friend might just be a grammar idiot. No one is perfect. I myself can’t count.
5. Are they a “Winner?” If you have ever seen a clip from one of Trumps rallies, we all know he is a “Winner.” He is running on a presidential platform that includes how awesome he is, how rich he is, how big his ding-dong is, and how hot his immigrant wife is. You can ask your new friend something like, “Do you want to grab a coffee? I would love to tell you why I am the best Mom, wife, and friend EVER. I’m the prettiest MILF in the PTA. You totally want to be my friend so other people will like you.” If they jump at the chance to have coffee, they must be attracted to “Winners” like Trump, unless you are the prettiest MILF in the PTA.
So if your new friend answered some or all of these questions in a Trump like fashion, they could be a “Trumpeter.” Please be advised that they are allowed to vote for whoever they want. You are also allowed to steer clear of them until the election is over.