Often I will have friends ask me if they should have a third child. If they haven’t heard the story of my third at this point I fill them in. The Christmas holiday of 2009 was crazy. It was my daughters first Christmas. She was adorable, 10 months old, and my son a super excited almost three year old big boy.

To say I played a demanding role in my family would be an understatement. Everyone comes to me with their issues and complaints. They are often disappointed due to the fact that I give them a sarcastic comment and shove them along their way. But this year I decided to go to my family physician and tell him about my woes. I was burned out, overwhelmed and on top of that training for a half marathon. He offered me a short term solution of “Happy Pills.” I wasn’t convinced, but I filled the prescription and went on my way.

December was blissful. I was calm, relaxed, and had my head above water. My husband and I had been discussing our family and we had one boy and one girl. We were all set. I called the OBGYN to schedule an apt. for a tubal ligation. My kids were well behaved at all family functions and I felt like a rock star mom and wife. We made it through the holiday unscathed. I kept thinking to myself “This Bitch has it going on!”

By January I decided to stop taking the “Happy Pills”. They seemed to be detrimental in the bedroom, and I ain’t having none of that. I started planning my daughter first birthday. It was a blast. The whole family got together. Later that month my husband and I had a date night. We hit up Outback. It was so nice to be out and away from it all. When the bartender asked, “ 2 for 1?” I exclaimed “YES!” It wasn’t really a question was it? I am away from my kids. Looking hot, all dressed up and ready to go. I will never forget this night. We ate, drank, and got home and “went downtown” if you know what I mean.

January led to February and life was flying by at a mile a minute. Work, kids, life was crazy. I had my OBGYN apt the week of Valentine’s Day. How romantic, “May I check your cervix?” Another question that I deem rhetorical, much like 2 for 1 drink’s.  Same old routine; pee in this cup. Sit in this room. Get naked, put on this paper towel gown and try not to look awkward while lying back with your ankle’s by your ears.

I began to explain to my doctor that I was done having children and ready to have a tubal. At that point the nurse came in a looked at the doctor. I looked at them both and he said one word, “Congratulations!” I replied, “What? Congratulations on what?” I thought to myself did I win a free pap smear? He continued, “Congratulations, you’re pregnant.” I sat there stunned and sedated, much like deer caught in the sight line of the hunter. Frozen.

Pregnant? No. But yes. It was true. I now had to take this information home to my husband. It went over like a fart in Church. I’m pretty sure at one point he said no. I began to cry, and cry I did for about three months. That skinny Bitch that had it all together was fading away. I began to realize that I would have two children in diapers. WTF.

But I digress. The third blessing arrived in October. I never got to run that half marathon, and my life is constantly crazy. I did run like a Cheetah six weeks after he was born to finally get that tubal. So in response to, “Should I have a third child?” I say “Do whatever you want; I have too much shit to do then to sit here and listen to your problems.”